Someone is making an ELEPHANTINE blunder if Kelly Rowland isn’t replaced on X Factor by…

… ANASTACIA!

Remember that ropey Channel 5 show Don’t Stop Believing from a couple of years ago? There was a lot wrong with that show (Emma Bunton, Duncan James ‘etc’), but there was also Anafrickinstacia.

She was SUCH a joker, SUCH a good critic and she really was the life and soul of the show. Her name hasn’t been mentioned once in all these tenuous X Factor reports, but PLEASE GOD can someone dig out the tapes of DSB and offer her the damn job.

“I. CARE. FOR. IT.”

There aren’t any vids on YouTube that do her justice but here’s a semi-dry, semi-entertaining interview she did with Digital Spy around the time of the show.


It’s official! Kelly Rowland confirms X Factor departure

ITV, SyCo and the lady herself have confirmed that Kelly Rowland is not returning to The X Factor this year.

She had been reportedly “95% unlikely” to come back for a second year, opening up speculation that Katy Perry will serve as a guest panellist for the first few auditions before Dannii Minogue makes a full-time return.

Says an official statement:

After much speculation, we can officially confirm today that Kelly Rowland has decided not to return as a judge again for this year’s UK X Factor. Global commitments coupled with the show’s increasing demands this year mean that, despite weeks of deliberation with the show, Kelly has not been able to agree a deal that fits into her autumn/winter schedule, so sadly cannot accept a place on the 2012 panel.

Kelly thoroughly enjoyed her role as a judge on the show, but felt that if there couldn’t be a workable solution to scheduling issues, so that she could effectively juggle her other commitments then she couldn’t wholeheartedly commit to the show this year. Kelly says, ‘I love the UK and being part of the show last year. Mentoring the girls was such an incredible experience I will never forget. I would like to thank Simon for the great opportunity and asking me to be a judge last season.’

It’s thought that Simon was keen on getting the ‘Down For Whatever’ chanteuse back, but that producers weren’t enthusiastic enough to negotiate too hard.

Filmed auditions start on May 15, so expect another announcement very soon regarding her replacement.


Kelly Rowland driving a hard bargain as X Factor bosses run out of time

Kelly Rowland apparently wants £1.5 million if she’s to return to the X Factor this year.

The ‘Down For Whatever’ chanteuse ‘is said’ to have caught wind of Gary Barlow’s massive pay rise, which has seen his salary soar to an impressive £2 million. Last season Kelly “only” pocketed £500,000, so she wants that to be tripled before she signs any dotted lines.

But with auditions scheduled to start on May 15, bosses are reportedly weighing up their chances of success if they sack her off altogether and look for someone with a more reasonable price tag.

Says ‘a source’ to The Sun:

“Yes, we would love to see Kelly back as she was good and people liked her. But we are never held to ransom over these things. We never negotiate a deal based on what another member of the show is getting as that would be ludicrous. There is not a truckload of money sitting here to just hand out to people. Whatever we pay is a good salary and something they would struggle to get on any other TV show.”

Of course this could all be fabricated bullshit, but it does throw up the question of who would replace Kelly if she backed out. Bearing in mind how well The Voice has done, the show certainly needs to up its game if it’s going to remain the nation’s favourite talent hunt.


SERIOUSFACE ALERT: Kelly Rowland premières ‘Keep It Between Us’ video

Kelly Rowland hit headlines for X Factor reasons for the 39,204th time when she jetted off to Paris and “ABANDONED” her girls to shoot the video for ‘Keep It Between Us’.

It’s a fairly obvious affair – Kelly strides around Paris looking thoughtful, Kelly looks at photos of herself and attractive lover enjoying the good times, Kelly writhes around on a bed – and the song is SOUL-SUCKINGLY DRY, but it’s shot in quite a nice arty fashion so every cloud etc.

‘Keep It Between Us’ will probably be the next US single from Here I Am, with ‘Lay It On Me’ already doing the rounds on UK radio ahead of its “impact date” next month.

Take a look:

Top 25 Pop Albums of 2011

Here are our 25 favourite “commercial pop” albums of the year.

They’re not ranked strictly on the star ratings they’ve been given as the year has gone on, but rather in a post-Christmas “ahhh but it was a corker, wasn’t it” kind of way. For example, Lady GaGa’s Born This Way was given 4 stars when we reviewed it back in May, but in this list it features above a couple of records we gave 5 stars to because, as time has gone on, it has stayed amazing to the point where, in a situation where all music ever was about to be deleted off the face of the Earth and it was either BTW or, say, the 5-star Florence album we were allowed to keep, we’d actually probably take BTW. MAKING SENSE?

There are also a couple of albums that have the odd corker on them, but were just too disappointing as a whole body of work to be classed as a highlight of 2k11. The artists responsible – Beyonce and Pixie Lott – have therefore featured in our Top 50 singles list, but not on the albums list. Along similar lines, there are LPs from artists we are fond of that we’d love to have squeezed in, but 25 is quite enough thanks very much and they’ll just have to try even harder in 2012. Still, honorable mentions are in order for The Wanted, Emma’s Imagination, Melanie C, Alexis Jordan, Example, Jennifer Lopez and Matt Cardle.

But anyway, that’s enough of that. Here are the best 25 albums of the year in pop. A better list than the 2010 one, we think you’ll agree.

LOOK AWAY NOW, LMFAO.

25. Nicole Scherzinger – Killer Love
March, chart peak #8
It takes a lot for an album housing a song titled ‘Club Banger Nation’ to be considered one of the best of the year, but in spite of ‘Right There’ Killer Love was a well-produced pop record. Opening with the explosive ‘Poison’ and closing with the piano ballad ‘AmenJena’, via amazing midtempo corkers like ‘Don’t Hold Your Breath’ and ‘Desperate’, The Scherzinator didn’t deliver the perfect solo disc but she certainly hit the ground running, packing more than enough punch to earn a place on the outskirts of our year-end highlights.

24. Jessie J – Who You Are
February, chart peak #1
If there’s one thing Jessie needs to do for her second album, it’s CALM DOWN A BIT. The two factors that hindered Who You Are were her tendency to comically over-sing every last crotchet, and the annoying way of over-pushing every ‘message’ she wants to get across – i.e. “HAHAHA I’M REALLY GOOD” on ‘Who’s Laughing Now’. Of course this is all sounding negative and we’ve made Who You Are the 24th best pop album of the year, so obviously the rest of it is all very good. Note especially ‘Price Tag’, ‘L.O.V.E.’ and the platinum edition’s ‘Domino’.

23. Cher Lloyd – Sticks + Stones
November, chart peak #4
The person who decided to release ‘Swagger Jagger’ as Cher’s lead single needs both a raise and a swift firing. The latter because, obviously, the song is bad, but the former because, for one reason or another, it got to No. 1. But whatever you think of that particular track, the rest of the album does actually make a lot of sense. It’s far from perfect, but the songs on which she doesn’t take herself too seriously and embraces her spunky youthfulness are commendable. ‘Grow Up’, ‘Over The Moon’, ‘End Up Here’ and next single ‘Want U Back’ won’t be to everyone’s liking, but credit where credit’s due – the girl did good.

22. Ed Sheeran – +
September, chart peak #1
After centuries of honing his craft, Ed finally made his mainstream breakthrough in 2011 with a handful of radio-friendly singles and a rather lovely debut album. + sagged a bit in places, but it certainly had its highlights. ‘You Need Me, I Don’t Need You’ had some smart lyrics despite its biting-the-hand-that-feeds-it theme, and ‘Lego House’ is simply one of the best singles of the year. At times Ed’s tuneage sounds like it could soundtrack those annoying  dating website ads where the girl’s on the other platform and the guy serenades her, but generally the record has far more + than – (GEDDIT?).

21. Susan Boyle – Someone To Watch Over Me
November, chart peak #1
SuBo put out a surprisingly brilliant third album, and yes, you could say “Well she’s always been a  good singer, hasn’t she?”, and you’d be right, but if you’re going to say that then you may as well say “well Jade Ewen’s got a good voice, ergo Sugababes’ ‘Freedom’ is brilliant”. The (tenuous) point is that it was the production that made STWOM a really good record, and a restained vocal from Susan that complemented it. The way that ‘Enjoy The Silence’ and even ‘Unchained Melody’ were made to sound was commendable and, at times, this was a disarmingly haunting listen.

20. Rizzle Kicks – Stereo Typical
October, chart peak #9
Among the very few good things Olly Murs has done for pop music over the past couple of years is the boost he gave to Rizzle Kicks on summer anthem ‘Heart Skips A Beat’. The cameo allowed the duo to gain more exposure for their brilliant ‘Down With The Trumpets’ and album Stereo Typical. It’s a riot – their lyrics are both clever and fun (take note, Dappy!), with ‘Miss Cigarette’, ‘Prophet’ and ‘Mama Do The Hump’ being particular faves. Interviews give the impression that they were talked into “going commercial” for their debut by their record label, so let’s hope that when they inevitably “mature” on their second album the quality doesn’t drop.

19. Kelly Rowland – Here I Am
November, chart peak #43
Yes, yes, how dare Kelly be featured but not Beyonce etc etc. Well the answer is that, as an overall body of work, Here I Am works a lot better than 4. The UK edition united the club and urban sounds a lot better than the original US release, with tracks like ‘Lay It On Me’, ‘I’m Dat Chick’ and even ‘Down For Whatever’ stringing together nicely in a non-stop tirade of ‘putting it down’. The sheer horniness of ‘Motivation’ isn’t for everyone, but the fact it performed better in the US than any of Beyonce’s 2011 singles speaks volumes.

18. Katy B – On A Mission
April, chart peak #2
Typically speaking, there isn’t really room in the mainstream market for any more solo females, so it says a lot about the appeal of Katy B that she’s made such a great start for herself in a hugely saturated market. ‘On A Mission’ was one of the best club hits of late 2010, and set a good tone for the album of the same name. ‘Broken Record’, the third single, is arguably the best song on the set, but the whole blend of garage, dubstep and just the right amount of pop to keep “serious” critics happy got the LP rightly nominated for the Mercury Music Prize.

17. Selena Gomez & The Scene – When The Sun Goes Down
July, chart peak #15
Selena Gomez being Selena Gomez, the brilliance of When The Sun Goes Down went by largely unnoticed – especially, it must be said, by the rather critical Trash Lounge review. But actually, it’s really good. ‘Love You Like A Love Song’, ‘Bang Bang Bang’ and ‘Whiplash’ (written by Britney!) have got the same kind of muted brilliance as some of the recent Kylie Minogue stuff, and even though ‘Who Says’ is a load of shit, Pixie Lott collab ‘We Own The Night’ is one of the year’s best pop songs, full stop.

16. The Saturdays – On Your Radar
November, chart peak #23
The Sats are the definition of a manufactured pop group, but as long as they have the right producers and songwriters at their disposal, they’ll also be one of the best. On Your Radar may have had the odd filler – not least the Travie McCoy collab ‘The Way You Watch Me’ – but the Xenomania-produced amazingness of ‘All Fired Up’ and ‘Get Ready Get Set’, the gloriously camp ‘White Lies’ and the euphoric ‘Faster’ made it their best album since Chasing Lights. Of course the challenge now is continuing to stay on the A-game despite the record’s weak chart reception, and the arrival of “next big girlband” Little Mix.

15. Bruno Mars – Doo-Wops & Hooligans
January, chart peak #1
‘The Lazy Song’ was so polarising that many preferred ‘Friday’, but take that to one side and Doo-Wops is what you’d call a “solid debut”. ‘Just The Way You Are’ and ‘Grenade’ are both brilliant, ‘Count On Me’ is sweet and ‘Runaway Baby’ is bang on where Bruno should be as an artist. Oh, and late addition ‘It Will Rain’ is a slightly under-appreciated stroke of goodness. One of the UK’s Top 5 best-sellers of the year, it’s easy to miss (what with Adele n’all) the impressive fact that the record has never been out of the Top 15 in the almost-a-year since it was released. FACT.

14. Natasha Bedingfield – Strip Me Away
May, did not chart
Who knew Natasha Bedingfield bought an album out this year?! Absolutely nobody, that’s who.  But it’s so good to hear her again. Ryan Tedder masterpiece ‘Strip Me’, the uplifting ‘Weightless’ and the heart-wrenching ‘Can’t Fall Down’ all show her at the very top of her game, and there’s a lot to be said for ‘Little Too Much’ (as featured on the Something Borrowed trailer) and ‘Neon Lights’ as well. Those who found her strong empowerment themes a little over-wrought in her earlier stuff won’t change their minds now, but the fact she’s still the same girl she was back in the 00s is lovely and somehow re-assuring to hear.

13. One Direction – Up All Night
November, chart peak #2
It’s easy to dismiss One Direction as a bunch of unugly boys shamelessly targeting the teen market, but lest we forget that behind the loudly-coloured trousers and romances with older women there is a team of highly qualified songwriters and producers who are more than capable of bashing out the occasional smash hit. ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ hits the nail on the head, as does the title track, next single ‘One Thing’ and the Kelly Clarkson-penned ‘Tell Me A Lie’. Up All Night does fall flat on its arse occasionally, but it’s the best boyband LP of the year by a fair distance.

12. Rihanna – Talk That Talk
November, chart peak #1
Six albums in six years is an impressive work rate, and Talk That Talk kept the tunes coming thick and fast for restless hitmaker Ms Fenty. ‘We Found Love’ is a career highlight, thanks to Calvin Harris, and there’s more amazingness to be found in ‘Where Have You Been’, ‘Talk That Talk’ and ‘Farewell’. Lyrics like “suck my cockiness, lick my persuasion” are becoming a little laborious now, but play TTT on a good stereo system with massive fuckoff speakers and you’ll find the urge to move hard to beat.

11. Will Young – Echoes
August, chart peak #1
If Will Young could literally never stop making music, that would be great. Echoes is top-notch from start to finish, opening with the incredible ‘Jealousy’ and continuing onwards via the brilliant ‘Come On’, ‘Happy Now’ and ‘Silent Valentine’ to name but a few. Beautifully under-stated and marvellously produced by the likes of Richard X, it shows that even after a decade in the business there is absolutely no sign of the quality dipping or the willingness to take risks fading. WHERE THERE’S A WILL THERE’S A WAY, ISN’T THAT RIGHT LADIES AND GENTS.

10. Avril Lavigne – Goodbye Lullaby
March, chart peak #9
After letting her hair down on 2007′s The Best Damn Thing, Avril returned after a four-year wait with her ‘Serious Singer-Songwriter’ opus, Goodbye Lullaby. Fun trailer single ‘What The Hell’ was a one-off: the rest is all no-dancing-please straight-facedness, but it’s still very good indeed. ‘Push’ is one of the best tracks she’s ever recorded, ‘Wish You Were Here’ is right up there with ‘When You’re Gone’ and ‘I’m With You’ in the Avrilballad stakes, and finale ‘Goodbye’ is a thing of wonder. If anyone affiliated with her record label is reading this, please don’t make us wait another four years for Album Number 5.

9. Demi Lovato – Unbroken
September, no UK release
It’s all well and good saying Demi “arrived” with Unbroken after two LPs obeying the strict Disney pop-rock rulebook, but even when she was aiming squarely at the tween market she still showed flashes of potential brilliance. And this record is fantastic – ‘Skyscraper’ deserved all the hype it received, ‘Lightweight’ proves that Timbaland hasn’t run out of tricks just yet, ‘Hold Up’ is the kind of loud down-the-line pop music Katy Perry or Ke$ha would be proud to put their name to, and next single ‘Give Your Heart A Break’ is a simple, no-frills-attached slice of gold. OK, so the collabs with Iyaz and Dev could have been done without, but the rest is all incredible.

8. Florence + The Machine – Ceremonials
October, chart peak #1
What was great about 2011 was the way so many artists (Pixie Lott notwithstanding) avoided ballsing-up the notoriously difficult second album. Florence Welch was no different, offering up another platter of wailing wonders on Ceremonials. ‘What The Water Gave Me’ sent everyone outside the NME readership to sleep, but it’s on its own – from the haunting ‘Never Let Me Go’ to the hands-aloft ‘Shake It Out’, Flo was simultaneously all over the place and impressively cohesive on her sophomore set, and even though it went to No. 1, it deserved much higher sales figures.

7. Kelly Clarkson – Stronger
October, chart peak #4
The brilliant thing about Kelly Clarkson is the way she disappears for an infuriatingly long time, then returns with an album of 17 tracks (none of that pathetic 10-track bullshit, no sir!) that never slip below par. Most of Stronger is of a typically high standard, with the three songs produced by Greg Kurstin – ‘Dark Side’, ‘Honestly’ and the title track – being the runaway favourites. The strong suit of the record is the way the classic Clarkson pop-rock has matured rather than drastically changed, for instance ‘I Forgive You’ is like a grown-up ‘what happened next’ sequel for the likes of ‘Since U Been Gone’ and ‘Behind These Hazel Eyes’. It’s SO good to have her back.

6. Nicola Roberts – Cinderella’s Eyes
September, chart peak #17
Critics agreed unanimously that Cinderella’s Eyes is by far the best Solo Aloud album to date, but sadly the essential radio stations didn’t seem as enthusiastic. But thanks to some effortless cool from Nicola and some quality production from the likes of Diplo and Metronomy, the Team Ginge frontwoman’s first foray into lonesome hitmaking was a triumph, with tracks like ‘Say It Out Loud’, ‘Lucky Day’, ‘Gladiator’ and ‘Sticks + Stones’ contributing to an honest, original, self-assured and above all confident record.

5. Lady GaGa – Born This Way
May, chart peak #1
This time two years ago, GaGa was the latest American fad working her way over the Atlantic, with her debut single ‘Just Dance’. Now, she’s not only one of the world’s biggest-selling artists but also one that critics generally agree is fucking ace. Born This Way is packed with massive choruses, strong vocals and unique lyrics: ‘Americano’ is a song only GaGa can pull off, ‘Heavy Metal Lover’ is darkly brilliant, ‘The Edge Of Glory’ is just exceptional… the whole thing is exceptional. It’s loud, it’s proud and its shortcomings are more than compensated for by the simple fact that, as a whole, it’s amazeballs.

4. Coldplay – Mylo Xyloto
October, chart peak #1
An album so commercially-friendly even Rihanna’s on it, Mylo Xyloto has led to many people who didn’t particularly give a shit about Coldplay to begin with claiming they have “sold out” just by adding a few more swishy electronic sounds to their music. But that bollocks doesn’t seem to have dented their selling power in the slightest: housing two of the year’s best singles, Mylo is different to their earlier work without being any less sensational, and one that packs a fair amount of emotional punch, too. As affecting and heartbreaking as it is euphoric, it’s bound to sound even better live than it does on record.

3. Britney Spears – Femme Fatale
March, chart peak #9
Giving Britney all the credit for Femme Fatale is like giving Dermot O’Leary all the credit for The X Factor. She may be at the front of it all doing a good enough job of linking it all together, but it’s the knob-twiddlers that make this one of the best records of her twelve-year career. Perhaps her first ever LP to feature absolutely no bad songs, it’s the classy night out to Blackout‘s tits-out booze-fest, and the Deluxe Edition extends the amazingness by exactly four songs. ‘Till The World Ends’ is officially our favourite single of the year, and the rest of the set is pretty epic too. If there is to be a fifth single (unlikely), might we suggest ‘Inside Out’?

2. Rebecca Ferguson – Heaven
December, chart peak #3
So much has been made by the broadsheet critics of Rebecca Ferguson’s debut being “really, really good for an X Factor contestant” that focus has been lacking on the fact that, X Factor or no X Factor, Heaven is exceptional. Each of its ten tracks is sensational, from the restrained anguish of ‘Shoulder To Shoulder’ to the wistful glee of ‘Mr Bright Eyes’, and from the vulnerability of ‘Teach Me How To Be Loved’ to the confident finger-wagging of ‘Glitter & Gold’. It’s all capped off by the no-frills beauty of its lead single, ‘Nothing’s Real But Love’, a song that perfectly justifies Heaven‘s status as the best début album of 2011.

1. Adele – 21
January, chart peak #1
Who else?! Labelling 21 as Album of the Year may be a bit predictable, but there’s a reason why critics have loved it and it’s sold over 12 million copies around the world: it’s phenomenal. Themes of love and heartache are so common across most genres of music that it’s fantastic how Adele has managed to make all 11 of the songs on her sophomore album so refreshing, emotionally satisfying and easy to relate to. Its two squillion-selling singles sum up the variation nicely – book-ending the whole disc are the venomously wrathful ‘Rolling In The Deep’ and the utterly devastating ‘Someone Like You’, two songs that do perfect justice to the album they represent. ‘Turning Tables’, ‘Rumour Has It’, ‘Take It All’, ‘I’ll Be Waiting’, ‘One and Only’… genuinely every single song is incredible. It’s so rare for an album to connect with so many, and though it may be an obvious choice for 2011′s best pop LP, there really is no alternative.

Watch: Kelly Rowland joins Michael Buble for White Christmas duet

The unstoppable Michael Buble had his own ITV special last night, and Kelly Rowland took over Shania Twain’s part for his performance of ‘White Christmas’.

It sounds gorgeous, but why did she come dressed like a shag-pile rug?

Top 50 Singles of 2011: 50-41

IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

The highlight of your musical calendar has returned for the third successive year, after crowning Jordin Sparks’ ‘Battlefield’ the best pop song of 2009 and Katy Perry’s ‘Teenage Dream’ the best of 2010.

Today, this year’s Top 50 countdown commences. Some artists will pop up more than once, some won’t pop up at all. There’ll be ballads, “down da club” rave-ups and, I feel I must warn you in advance, there WILL be some One Direction at some point.

Don’t forget there’s also a separate Readers’ Poll going on elsewhere – click the image on the left.

Here are the first 10 entrants to this year’s hall of fame. Check back on Monday for Nos. 40-31.

50. Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull – ‘On The Floor’
April, Peak #1
It’s amazing what a spot on a long-running American talent show can do for a gal’s pop career. Just when Jennifer Lopez was starting to look dead in the water (musically of course, not literally), American Idol upped her exposure and the effect on sales was much more Cheryl than Alesha. ‘On The Floor’ became a transatlantic hit and is one of the fastest-selling singles of 2011 in the UK. With a sound not a million miles away from a mainland European entry for Eurovision, it’s hardly innovative stuff, but hey – tonight we gawn’ be it on the floor. Whatever ‘it’ is.

49. Matt Cardle – ‘Starlight’
December, did not chart
Opening his post-X Factor career with a good, if not remarkable ballad from the increasingly tiresome pen of Gary Barlow, Matt’s team really missed a trick by not firing out the traps with ‘Starlight’. Far and away the best track from album Letters, its hands-aloft chorus and rousing video could have made for a stormer of a lead single. As the second single, it flopped. But with the album still selling well, it’d be a shock if the 2010 talent show champ got dropped before a second album.

48. The Wanted – ‘Lightning’
October, Peak #2
“THE LADS ARE BACK”, proclaims the TV advert for The Wanted’s second album Battleground. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, ‘lads’ – you may love a good swear and a boast about how many times you’ve got laid, but as ‘Lightning’ proves, you are still fundamentally a standard boyband. But given how addictive ‘Lightning’ is, that’s not really cause for concern. With a backing riff that sounds like the theme tune to a TV news broadcast and Siva’s amusing way of making ‘coats’ sound like ‘goats’, ‘Lightning’ is an energising listen.

47. Alex Gaudino ft. Kelly Rowland – ‘What A Feeling’
June, Peak #6
After setting dancefloors alight with ‘I’m In Love’ in late 2010, Alex Gaudino struck gold again with the help of Kelly Rowland in June with ‘What A Feeling’.  A little more euphoric than Kelly’s standard make-love-on-the-floor offerings, it coupled a forceful piano melody with a ludicrously shout-a-long-able chorus to create one of the summer’s breeziest smashes. It’s clichéd beyond comical now, but what the hell – SHE PUT IT DOWN.

46. Rizzle Kicks – ‘Down With The Trumpets’
July, Peak #8
Initially charting at No. 84, Rizzle Kicks’ summer stereo-hogger ‘Down With The Trumpets’ got a huge boost thanks to a cameo on Olly Murs’ ‘Heart Skips A Beat’, and now they’re one of 2011′s biggest breakthrough success stories. Oozing with personality and with a head-invading chorus to match, this instantly put the cheeky duo on the radar as a pair of budding musicians to keep an eye on.

45. Britney Spears – ‘Criminal’
December, did not chart
UK radio may have abandoned all support of Britney in 2011, but that didn’t stop the hits coming thick and fast. With a hilariously melodramatic video that saw the personality-free hitmaker rob a shop in riot-hit London, ‘Criminal’ is one of the year’s most under-rated pop songs. It’s got a flute in it, for Christ’s sake… A FLUTE!! And what’s more, it sounds more like Old School Britney than anything she’s released in years. A wailing vocal and a bubblegum drum beat, and here you have an overlooked Britney classic.

44. Alexis Jordan – ‘Good Girl’
February, Peak #6
Alexis’ album showed she wasn’t quite the Saviour Of Pop that ‘Happiness’ hinted at, but she still had a few more floorfilling aces up her sleeve. Not least ‘Good Girl’, which carried one of the year’s best rhymes – “You got what it takes, you better have some cake”. Alexis is already hard at work on Album No. 2, so let’s hope the follow-up to her eponymous debut has more songs like this and substantially less of the filler.

43. Ke$ha – ‘We R Who We R’
January, Peak #1
Missing two As and two Es from the title seems a bit 1990s, but ‘We R Who We R’ got the year started as only Ke$ha knows how – with terribly “sung” amazingness. An essential pre-drink anthem for students the nation – nay, world – over, the song saw in Animal expansion EP Cannibal, and gave the American her first stint at the UK No. 1 spot, without having to provide the chorus on Flo Rida’s fucking terrible ‘Right Round’.

42. Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilara – ‘Moves Like Jagger’
August, Peak #2
The Number 1 that never was, ‘Moves Like Jagger’ may have been a chart-topper in the US but it spent a painfully drawn out SEVEN weeks waiting patiently at No. 2 in the UK. What eventually spoiled it? Being horrendously overplayed. But putting one of the last decade’s most under-appreciated bands firmly back on the global A-list, and with good reason, it’s undeniably one of the biggest hits of 2011.

41. Charlene Soraia – ‘Wherever You Will Go’
October, Peak #3
Essentially the 2011 equivalent of Ellie Goulding’s ‘Your Song’, Charlene’s stripped-back, Sophie Habibis-encouraging spin on ‘Wherever You Will Go’ shot to the higher end of the charts thanks to a spot on a high-profile TV ad. It is undeniably lovely – perfectly pitched for this time of the year, and making enough of a change to the original to make it a good song in its own right. And the way she pronounces ‘wherever’ as ‘whewwwever’ is just too damn adorable.

Coming up in Numbers 40-31: an array of global megastars, one guitar-wielding newcomer, and another boyband. Check back on Monday.

An interesting way of dealing with poor album sales from Kelly Rowland

WENN

Kelly Rowland‘s Here I Am may have failed to crack the Top 40, but it’s jam-packed with absolute TUNES.

And in an effort to revive sales, instead of releasing one of said tunes as her next single, she’s opting for the disengaging non-event that is ‘Keep It Between Us’. Likelihood of being picked up by radio stations: 0.3%.

The solution? Sack off that song, apologise to the video director for wasting his time, and just release US single ‘Lay It On Me’ (duet with Big Sean) over here instead. It actually charted in the UK Top 100 just from album downloads alone, and considering the album performed terribly, that’s actually quite a good achievement.

Midweek Chart Update: Gary down, Tulisa up, Kelly still M.I.A.

The X Factor team’s onslaught of new albums have changed somewhat since yesterday, but they started at such polarising ends of the list yesterday that they make little difference.

Gary Barlow’s tour album with Take That, Progress Live, opened in sixth place yesterday but in the last 24 hours has dropped down to No. 10.

Tulisa’s N-Dubz Greatest Hits effort meanwhile has glided into the Top 40, from No. 43 yesterday to No. 35 today.

But, as you can see, there are still miles separating the two.

Kelly Rowland meanwhile is still registering outside the Top 40 with Here I Am. That’ll be embarrassing on Saturday.

In terms of the show’s graduates, Olly is still at No. 1 with In Case You Didn’t Know, and Joe has lost a place on his No. 12 start yesterday, now at No. 13 with Classic Christmas.

No big news over on the singles chart – the X Factor Finalists are continuing their comfy lead with ‘Wishing On A Star’.

Album Review: Kelly Rowland – Here I Am (UK Edition)

UK Release Date: Monday 28th November 2011

Label: Universal

Remember in ‘Work’ when all Kelly Rowland wanted you to do was “put it in”? To cut a long story short, she ain’t got any less horny since then.

The wholesome X Factor mama pants “When we’re done I don’t wanna feel my legs” on ‘Motivation’, brazenly declares ‘When it comes to you, I can make love on the floor” on ‘Down For Whatever’ and even utlises her infamous XF catchphrase on ‘Lay It On Me’ by demanding her lover to “Put it down on me”.

So, as you can see, Here I Am is a dirty, sweaty, cock-starved mixture of on-trend Euro-dance and filthy R’n'B, complete with cameos as broad as Big Sean, David Guetta and Lil Wayne. The UK edition straddles the two genres much better than the US version, released back in August, because, despite the front 10 tracks being exactly the same on both editions, the addition of further hits such as ‘When Love Takes Over’ and ‘What A Feeling’ make songs like ‘Commander’ sound less out of place than it did when pitted purely against tracks like ‘Motivation’.

Kel’s voice is in fine fettle throughout, mastering the intimate purr and the almighty belt to equally high standard, and the production keeps the output on just the right side of generic. It’s all good fun, with enough variation to keep the energy up from beginning to end.

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