Over 1,000 votes later, and this year’s Readers’ Awards have finally been counted.

I’m not going to lie to you, ladies and gents – you have made some bad decisions. But there are also some fair decisions, some accurate decisions, and some I-wouldn’t-have-thought-so-but-OK-that’s-what-you-get-for-having-a-vote decisions.

At the start of December the five candidates in each category with the most votes were sent through the second and final round, and below are the results…

SINGLE OF THE YEAR

1. Will Young – ‘Jealousy’ (41.5%)
2. Maroon 5 ft Christina Aguilera – ‘Moves Like Jagger’ (28%)
3. Coldplay – ‘Paradise’ (13.3%)
4. One Direction – ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ (12.6%)
5. Cher Lloyd ft Mike Posner – ‘With Ur Love’ (4.9%)

Nearly everybody who voted for ‘With Ur Love’ here (and got her on the shortlist in the first place) also voted for ‘Swagger Jagger’ in the below category, as if to say something along the lines of “OK, yes, Cher made a mistake, OK? SHE MADE A MISTAKE. But you know what? She’s HUMAN. Don’t we all make mistakes? Sometimes? Every once in a little while?”. Or something.

ABSOLUTELY NOT SINGLE OF THE YEAR

1. Cher Lloyd – ‘Swagger Jagger’ (58.3%)
2. Rebecca Black – ‘Friday’ (15.1%)
3. Sak Noel – ‘Loca People’ (12.2%)
4. LMFAO – ‘Sexy And I Know It’ (10.1%)
5. LMFAO – ‘Party Rock Anthem’ (4.3%)

I am personally of the belief that exactly 50% of the shortlisted songs not titled ‘Swagger Jagger’ are worse than actual ‘Swagger Jagger’. But hey, in the grand scheme of horrendous pop music, a shit song’s a shit song, right?

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

1. Adele – 21 (37.1%)
2. Will Young – Echoes (33.6%)
3. Lady GaGa – Born This Way (14.7%)
4. One Direction – Up All Night (9.79%)
5. Coldplay – Mylo Xyloto (4.9%)

This one came DOWN TO THE WIRE, ladies and gents. About three quarters of the people who voted for Will’s album both A) were directed to the poll via a  fan forum, and B) voted for him in every other category he was shortlisted in. So, if we’re looking to the more “impartial” voters for a more accurate reading of what’s popular, I suppose the right album won. Still, all five records are at least of a 4/5 standard.

MOST DISAPPOINTING ALBUM OF 2011

1. Matt Cardle – Letters (59.9%)
2. Pixie Lott – Young Foolish Happy (15.3%)
3. Coldplay – Mylo Xyloto (9.5%)
4. Beyonce – 4 (8.0%)
5. Lady GaGa – Born This Way (7.3%)

Although he got more votes than the other four nominees combined, and I can’t say Letters was anything spectacular, I really will be shocked if everyone who voted for Matt has actually heard the album…

BEST VIDEO

1. Will Young – ‘Jealousy’ (44.9%)
2. Ed Sheeran – ‘Lego House’ (16.7%)
3. One Direction – ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ (15.9%)
4. The Saturdays – ‘All Fired Up’ (12.3%)
5. Coldplay – ‘Paradise’ (10.1%)

Was the One Direction video only considered good because they were in it?

BEST NEWCOMER

1. Jessie J (36.2%)
2. Ed Sheeran (25.4%)
3. One Direction (18.8%)
4. Lawson (10.9%)
5. Emeli Sande (8.7%)

Who’s laughing now, indeed.

BEST LYRIC FROM A 2011 SONG

1. “Grab somebody sexy, tell them ‘hey!’” – Pitbull etc, ‘Give Me Everything’ (25.0%)
2. Virtually all of Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’ (23.2%)
3. “Think of me in the depths of your despair, making home down there cos mine sure won’t be shared” – Adele, ‘Rolling In The Deep’ (22.3%)
4. “They say I’m up and coming like I’m fucking in an elevator” – Ed Sheeran ‘You Need Me…’ (20.5%)
5. “Fame hooker, prostitute wench” – Lady GaGa, ‘Judas’ (8.9%)

A good showing from everyone except GaGa, there. Though that Ed Sheeran lyric really should have done better…

‘LEAST UGLY’ MALE POPSTAR

1. Will Young (44.6%)
2. Michael Buble (25.2%)
3. Harry Styles (17.3%)
4. Liam Payne (7.9%)
5. Siva Kaneswaran (5.0%)

There you have it, everybody. Liam Payne is less than half as attractive as Harry Styles.

‘LEAST UGLY’ FEMALE POPSTAR

1. Beyonce (43.8%)
2. Rebecca Ferguson (27.0%)
3. Katy Perry (16.8%)
4. Rochelle Wiseman (6.6%)
5. Lana Del Rey (5.8%)

Beyonce: A woman so attractive to men, women and gays that she’s even desirable when about to squeeze a small human out of her vajayjay. Well done, dear.

MOST ATROCIOUS POPSTAR OF 2011

1. Cher Lloyd (40.6%)
2. Justin Bieber (33.6%)
3. Pitbull (16.1%)
4. Example (6.3%)
5. Dev (3.5%)

And so it was that, despite her album being actually rather good, Cher Lloyd is considered vastly, VASTLY more irritating than M.C. (i.e. ‘talks a bit’) Dev. Congratulations, Dev. Also, she didn’t get enough votes in the first round to be shortlisted, but kudos to the person who voted for Jessie J on the grounds that “no-one asked for her, nobody wants her now and everything she does is impossibly excruciating”.

HERO OF THE YEAR

1. Joe McElderry (60.4%)
2. Adele (24.2%)
3. Steps (6.7%)
4. One Direction (4.7%)
5. Cher Lloyd (4.0%)

The amount of Joe McElderry fans from an array of fan forums who tried to vote more than once despite knowing that repeat votes would be automatically discarded really is quite something. Still, for coming back from a terminated record deal and shifting over 100,000 copies of a covers album in a matter of weeks, he is a worthy winner. BUT PLEASE, JOE. BACK TO POP NOW, YEAH?

BEST TV SHOW

1. Strictly Come Dancing (49.6%)
2. The X Factor (31.9%)
3. The Only Way Is Essex (9.2%)
4. Pam Am (6.4%)
5. Angry Boys (2.8%)

PLEASE FUCKING GOD DON’T CANCEL PAN AM

BEST PERSON ON TV

1. Alan Carr (71.2%)
2. Kelly Rowland (18%)
3. Amy Childs (5.0%)
4. Blair Waldorf (4.3%)
5. Chris Lilley (1.4%)

Alan received more votes than anyone or anything else across the entire poll. Well done, Alan. (Surely next year will be Lauren Goodger’s year…?)

BEST FILM

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 (39.6%)
2. Bridesmaids (27.6%)
3. The Inbetweeners Movie (17.2%)
4. One Day (11.9%)
5. Midnight In Paris (3.7%)

You really should see Midnight In Paris, everybody. Seriously is a helluva lot better than that One Day shit.